My little bunny buddy, George, crossed over. I didn't know he was sick. I didn't see it coming. And then, even more surprisingly, my newly budded relationship that seemed so healthy and so promising came to a screeching hault (more like a screaming hault).
I'd like to say I'm looking toward the sun and am fully aware of how everything happened for a reason that in time will be revealed. But I can't. I'm hurting. SO much. And it's been all I can do to avoid breaking down and sobbing every waking (and sleeping) minute, now that the shock and anger have worn off.
"Why did this happen?" I'd posed the question to Quincy, but it was Holly who responded.
"Because it was supposed to."
"I'm trying to believe that. I just wish I had a better idea of why it was supposed to."
Holly began to chatter through the window at two exceptionally plump robins she spied on my front lawn. "I love everyone and everything. But when I see birds, I want to pounce on them and eat them. It's just the way of nature."
"I don't understand how you drooling over a bird connects to my grieving," I said dryly, thinking she was too distracted to provide appropriate counsel.
"I'm supposed to be driven to attack birds, even though I love them. Just like you are supposed to be driven to know your truth, even though you want to love other truths." Her eyes were still fixated on the robins.
"Still not following."
"If it isn't your truth--your nature--it won't work out. It can't. No matter how much energy and effort you focus on it. No matter how much pain you feel when you fail."
"So you're saying that when I am in my true relationship, it will work out?"
"Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. It will be easy. You'll be going with nature, just like I am right now with this delicious-looking birdie."
"How can I find it?
"It will find you if you just stay in line with your truth. See? I didn't have to look for these robins. They came right to me!"
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| Photo by Wendy Colucci: www.clickshootingstars.com |
"But what about George?"
"Your true nature is limitless. When you realize this--that none of us are trapped in physical form--you'll also realize you haven't lost him. Not even a little bit. And this, too, will be easy."
Hearing Holly's wisdom didn't exactly dilute my pain, but it did provide a ray of hope that was tremendously comforting. "Wow, Hol. Thanks. That's pretty profound for a Thursday morning."
"I'm always inspired when I'm riled up over robins."
Who knows? Maybe when I'm riled up over my own "robins," I am, too.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry about your loss, on both accounts.
Although, I can't necessarily agree that when you're in your true relationship, it's easy. I just think the stakes make it harder to give up. *hugs*
Sorry that you are grieving. You are fortunate to be surrounded by good advisors!!!
What a touching post - beautiful cat! Alison
Me again. I am so sorry to hear of both losses, and so close together. While it hurts, still, I think it's good to know early on that someone (i.e., said boyfriend) cannot deal with someone's moods and personality changes for a few days. Perfect we are not, so better to know this now, than when you may really, really need someone, like if you came down with a horrendous disease or something. (Someone once told me the same words when an ex-beau dumped me horribly during a horrible physical ailment I was going through with no firm diagnosis - I was devastated). (((HUGS)))
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